Japanese Earthquake, Tsunami reveal American Stupidity, Insensitivity
Posted: March 12, 2011 Filed under: Environment, Media, Science, War | Tags: Anglo-Maori wars, Atheism, Atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Australia, Facebook, Hawaii, Hiroshima, Japan, Karma, nationalism, New Zealand, No Child Left Behind, Nuclear weapon, Pacific Ocean, Pearl Harbor, solar flare, State of American Education, Tsunami, Twentieth Century, United States, what caused the 2011 sendai earthquake?, World War II 11 Comments »EDIT: The internet is telling me all these anti-Japanese sentiments began with a Family Guy staff writer’s joke tweet. He deleted the tweet and apologized, though other Americans might actually mean it as evident by their Facebook vitriol?
The last 48 hours for Japan have been rough: two earthquakes, a tsunami, and fears of nuclear meltdown.
A logical, possible explanation? A solar flare.
Some cesspoolian Americans, however, viewed these natural phenomena as the work of a spiritual deity. These Americans believe the universe was angry at Japan for Pearl Harbor, and decided to wait more than 50 years to dish out karmic justice. Except these Americans didn’t say it like that. More like: ”Fuck Japan! Remember Pearl Harbor? Karma’s a bitch!” Yeah.
When I think of all the Americans that never learned of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, my forehead wrinkles with worry. No Child Left Behind is doing a worse job than we imagined!
If I had to pick a country, between the United States and Japan, that would get karmic retribution for actions in World War II, I’d pick the United States (body count, occupation). If I were to follow the Facebooking-karmic-justice-Americans logic, where nature takes it upon herself to punish man for the things he does to his fellow man, I’d have to assume that Katrina, the tornadoes tearing up the midwest, the BP Oil Spill (why not?) and every other natural catastrophe to hit the states EVER, is retribution for things America did in prior wars. Or am I being silly here, because America don’t have to worry about karmic retribution? I don’t know the rules to this karma-blame-game… maybe America is exempt.
But what about New Zealand? Following the logic stated above, one could argue the Christchurch earthquake happened because of the Anglo-Maori wars centuries ago. And the flooding in Australia? Oh, the universe is always punishing that country – they’re a country of criminals, you see?
But really, why Pearl Harbor?
My hypothesis: the film ”Pearl Harbor” played recently (ahem, on repeat for a week) on some cable channel, making the battle of Pearl Harbor fresh in commonplace American minds. These Americans heard the world “Japan” on the news, and were like, “I just watched a movie with Ben Affleck, and that tsunami country bombed us in the movie! Serves them right, durrr, derr.”
(I don’t know if “Pearl Harbor” aired recently, but this makes me think my idea has merit…)
CLOSING EDIT: That joke flew over my head and now I feel silly. Perhaps all those Facebook people were really imitating Alec Sulkin. Reddit does not know this yet, nor does Viceland.com, linked above. (3:30pm CST)
A conspiracy theory for the discriminating conspiracy theorist
Posted: September 21, 2009 Filed under: Strange | Tags: 9 22 warning, Chicago, conspiracy theory, Edward Teller, Fallout 3, Martin Luther King, Mount Zion Georgia, Nuclear weapon, Osama bin Laden, Rosh Hashanah, Solar eclipse, US 2 Comments »I am not trying to cause a panic- but there’s a conspiracy theory making the rounds on the internet about Chicago and tomorrow. The website responsible is here, and it’s most certainly a hoax. What reason does Obama have to bomb his city? Oh, right, a poster on AboveTopSecret claims there is evidence in Chicago that proves Obama is not a natural-born citizen so he needs to destroy the whole city to erase this evidence. I love this conspiracy theory because it’s a chimera of others; part 9-11 truthers, part birthers, with a dash of 2012.
As for the website, digging reveals it was created on the 13th of September, and uses a proxy server out of Arizona. There is a hidden ticket counter on the website. There is no other information out there to reveal the creator or his/her intent. My guess is to scare, or the teenage internet rulers are doing another social experiment. Maybe people just can’t wait until 2012 (if you haven’t heard yet, that’s when the world is going to end).
I have also seen versions of this rumor that say the bomber will be Osama bin Laden, because it’s the end of Ramadan, Rosh Hashana and there is a new moon. Either way, the government and terrorists are both huge fans of numerology and are so disorganized that vital information like this can be leaked to the public. I’ve also seen this rumor on the infamous 4-chan boards and a few have made youtube videos about the conspiracy.
I know there’s going to be a huge let down tomorrow when it doesn’t happen, so I’m going to start my own conspiracy theory: On January 15th, of 2010, there will be an annular solar eclipse. This date is important because Edward Teller, the “father of the hydrogen bomb” was born on this date, as was Martin Luther King, Jr. Naturally, this means Obama is going to drop a bomb on Mount Zion, Georgia on January 15th, 2010. Why Mount Zion? 1 x 15 x 2010 equals Mount Zion’s zip code! Zion is also a Hebrew word, and we all know that Obama is a secret Muslim so he must hate the Jews. The South has also been a thorn in Obama’s side, so if he could just obliterate that part of the US he could easily pass his liberal agenda.
….and on the off-chance that this actually does happen tomorrow, I’ve been preparing by playing Fallout 3 again.





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